Tag Archives: Single Moms

27

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I haven’t written in forever SORRY. Friday was my birthday and man am I creeping up in age. I get people all the time who are like “you’re ONLY 27”, but they’re just not understanding how I feel about this. I’m 27 and I don’t have much to show for it in my mind.

Yes, I have a gorgeous daughter and a loving boyfriend. Yes, I have a good job. Yes, I haven’t died yet. Okay. When I was 16 I had a plan, a check list, an idea of where I would be at the glorious age of 27.

  1. Master’s in Psychology degree achieved, going for my doctorate. I was on the right track at 18 when I was taking SO many units in college and into my early twenties but I WILL finish this dream. Even if I have to attend college while my child is in college.
  2. Buy my own house, without a partner. All by myself. I had a house but I let HIM keep it.
  3. Find the love of my life. Which I did just in the nick of time.
  4. I know this one seems a bit petty but I really wanted to have that cookie cutter marriage and one child. ONE CHILD ACHIEVED AND IT’S AWESOME! But no marriage. Imagine if I would have married him? Ew.
  5. I would have traveled all of Europe and Australia by now.
  6. Attend more than 100 concerts (including festivals).
  7. Experience the Fado houses in Portugal.
  8. Attend a World Cup Match
  9. Start a blog (I did it! Not a successful one, but I wanted to find a healthier outlet)
  10. Be happy. Genuinely happy. You see I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot in my life to be happy about, don’t get me wrong. But there is so much that I need to change to make me genuinely 100% happy. Getting there.

 

The thing about this list is, I was young and stupid. Nothing ever goes as planned in life, and that’s okay as long as you GET IT DONE EVENTUALLY. Real life shit held me back. Not laziness, not a lack of motivation, but situations that I could and could not control. Looking back at this I’m realizing that I gave myself very little time to conquer the world and I’ve been beating myself up for it for years now. I need to cut myself a little slack, but that’s hard to do. I’m absolutely my worst critic and I don’t see that ever changing. Little by little I’m accomplishing these things and my list keeps growing. I AM grateful, I love my life, I LOVE my daughter, I love my partner, I love my true friends, but I’m having a hard time loving myself right now for multiple reasons. It makes things complicated when you don’t fully love yourself, I seriously mean that. I have to get back on track. I used to love myself and along the way I just got lost. Some days are better than others, some days I wake up and think – I wouldn’t want to be anybody else – and other days I just want to tear myself apart. I have to remind myself to be positive. Happy birthday to me and yay for self realization.

I’m at a stand still.

I need to move. Get it going, get it together.

Go.

Freedom Isn’t Always a Good Thing

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He’s out.

As I was standing there, getting ready for bed, I received a phone call. My phone read “Robert”. I just let it ring, and ring as my throat closed up. It took me a while to really process what was happening, and I realized, he’s out. My ex has been released from prison, you can find my post about that whole situation >>> here . Before he was incarcerated, he was on trial for two years and he made my life hell. He was able to swindle 50/50 custody out of the court system and on top of that, made co-parenting extremely difficult. How did he manage to do that? He has a lawyer, hell he even took me to court while he was IN prison! If he cared about our daughter, he would know that it is in her best interest to be close to me because I absolutely love her so much. No. He does things for his own benefit, and just to hurt me. He doesn’t care about her well being, he doesn’t care about what makes her happy, he only cares about revenge. He’s upset because I never took him back (naturally) and now he’s upset because he actually got convicted (he was so sure he wouldn’t be because he thinks this is the Azores). Court is in April and I’m so scared, anxious, and nervous. I know I have my daughter’s best interest in mind, but he has a lawyer and money….And all I have is love. It’s crazy to see one parent try to take their children away from another parent, even when they know that parent absolutely loves their children. They just do it for personal gain, it’s sick. I know so many people who are like my ex in that sense, and they get away with it. Here’s hoping court goes well because I don’t think I could handle anymore bad news at this point.

 

Thank God for my amazing support system and the strength my gorgeous daughter gives me. I don’t know where I would be without it.

Father’s Day

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Father’s Day.

I love love love my pai. We had an extremely rocky upbringing with him, and up until 3 years ago, we didn’t exactly see eye to eye. But I’ve come to realize that he’s my rock and the only man I can trust. He’s been there for me through my recent turmoils, and continues to push me as a parent should. He’s too honest for his own good, he picks up bitches with nothing other than his awesome accent (without meaning to), and he loves me unconditionally (only after he stopped talking to me for 5 years, which is a completely different story). My ultimate test of forgiveness.

Anyway, enough with the sappy bullshit, let’s get down to business.

Father’s Day, as well as Mother’s Day, is every day. This is just a day where we have an excuse to dote on our parents and they don’t have to feel guilty about receiving gifts from us. All I saw this weekend was Facebook post after Facebook post of pictures of fathers who are still around or who have passed. For those who have lost their father, I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how much that must hurt, especially on this day. A reminder that he is no longer around to give that obligatory gift to, to take out to lunch, or to hug and say “I love you pops”. He may have missed walking you down the aisle, first child birth, achieving your master’s degree…Whatever it is. I feel the deepest sympathy for you.

You know who I don’t feel sorry for? Cry baby, pansy bitch, single moms. I’m a single mom. However, I chose to reserve this day for FATHERS only because it is FATHER’S DAY. It isn’t SingleMomDay or MyBabyDaddyAPunkDay or DeadBeatDadDay. F.A.T.H.E.R.S D.A.Y. I cannot tell you how many women posted “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ME”. Listen bitch, you don’t get two holidays. EQUAL RIGHTS! I almost wanted to comment “whoa whoa I didn’t know you grew a penis!”. I get it. Your baby daddy is a pot smoking, slut screwing, prison happy, meth selling asshole. Guess what? SO IS MINE! Well, two out of four anyway. However, I refuse to teach my child how to be petty and hateful. I will not teach her how to focus on the past, dwell on the negative or to keep hate in her heart. You hate your ex? Hey so do I! You’ve been raising your child/children on your own? I applaud you, so am I! But look at how stupid you look posting “HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE WHO ARE DOING IT ALONE”, and tagging all of your friends who have dead beat baby daddies. Also, the “Happy Father’s Day to the REAL men who take care of their children, who step up to the plate!” crack me uuuuuup! Please shut up. Just because a father is “present” doesn’t make him a good parent. Let’s not assume that all of the men who decided to spend that particular day with their children, spend any time with their children outside of that.

You look weak.

Maybe I’m the only one who was bothered by this. As a single mom, I take pride in what I do, but I don’t sit there and blab on about how my child will turn out to be amazing because of me, myself and I. How I’m broke because, you know, it’s just me, myself and I. I get it. Why not be an independent woman and just do it ? Shut up. Quit the griping. Teach your child how to forgive, but never to forget. If you didn’t need him anyway, why is it such a big deal that he’s not around? Don’t give me the “well I’m upset for my child” bullshit. Your child will be upset about it when the time is right and they WILL get over it when the time is right. They will understand that they are okay. They are resilient. They will reach an age where they will understand why it all happened. They will realize that mom did her best and that’s all she could do. Don’t let your child look back and all they remember is you complaining about how hard it is to be a single mom. They’ll feel guilty, they’ll feel like it was their fault, they’ll feel hatred. And guess what? All of the negative feelings, will be your fault, not the sperm donor’s fault. I understand your anger but please just stop.

Have some self respect.