Tag Archives: Life

America the Beautiful

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AMERRRIIICCCAAAA AMEEEERRRRIIICCCAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘MURCA!

I’m sure there are thousands of blog posts out there focused on the US Presidential Election. I’m sure some of these posts bash Republicans, and others bash Democrats. I’m sure some of those blogs are written by people who aren’t even in the states but this election has affected the WORLD in such a way that everyone is feeling a bit of pain or happiness.

I’m sure some talk about everything I’m about to talk about and more.

However, I feel if I don’t blog about this I might never shut up about it on social media and I’m getting tired of even my own posts about this election to be honest. I really can’t help it. You don’t have to read my blog and you don’t have to like my blog. You don’t even have to agree. It’s mine to write on.

Let’s start with a few facts. I don’t discriminate against anyone who doesn’t agree with my views as long as they disagree in a civil manner. I have so many Trump supporting friends who are respectful and who understand that I am entitled to my own opinions. I voted Bernie. I am still very irritated that Hillary ran instead of Bernie, let’s make that clear. I am also devastated to see Obama go. I voted for Hillary. I am not a lazy, jobless, liberal. I do not believe in gun control, I do believe in legalizing pot, I am pro-choice, and I’m a Catholic. I am constantly called a liberal because of my age, it is constantly assumed that I’ve had a handful of abortions and I want all the pot. It is constantly assumed that I’m scared of guns and an atheist. It is constantly assumed that I feel entitled and that I am too stupid to carry my own weight. I am none of these things. I am an individual with different views on different things with different values who would like to not be labeled.

Barack and Michelle have represented our country with such grace and class, I’m not sure we’ll ever get that back. I am truly going to miss them. I don’t care if you’re not a Democrat or if you didn’t agree with their policies or the changes they’ve made, you can’t take that away from them. Hillary is scary, I will not sugar coat it and I won’t ever say she would be an exceptional President, because I don’t believe she would be. I did believe she’d keep our heads above water until the next election though.  Trump. My Lord….Trump. Insane, big mouthed, trashy, ill mannered and sexist. Hillary has a past that would make even the KKK shake in their boots and Trump is just a disgusting human being who will, and has, embarrassed this country. I just hope they script everything that comes out of his mouth from ordering a burger to making public speeches, he’s just that damn offensive. I feel he is unprepared for his position as Hillary has spent most of her life building up to this only to lose. I wanted Trump to lose more than I wanted Hillary to lose is my point. I believe Trump is one of those people that will abuse his power, we have taken hate and given him a huge, fat, fist. I would not have chosen Hillary to be our first female president, I don’t feel she deserves that title, but I just really could not get behind Trump.

Trump has promoted hate, bullying and racism throughout his entire campaign. Do I believe he can just go out and deport everyone? No. Do I believe he’s going to just flip the entire country upside down in four years? He might, but it’ll be difficult to do since he’s not the only one who makes the decisions. Do I believe that my Republican friends promote this hate and bigotry? Absolutely not. What I do believe, however, is he has enabled every single person who has always been racist and who has always been hateful to act out. He has encouraged these people to treat anyone who is not like them, like dirt. As if they are not part of the foundation of this country. As if they don’t have anything positive to offer us. They should “go back” to their country because they wear hijabs or speak another language. Pure ignorance is swallowing us up. I’ve seen videos that made my stomach turn. People pulling off hijabs, throwing around racial slurs, threatening people and so forth. This is scary. Children in elementary schools are bringing up the fact that Trump is now president, so now the brown people need to leave. The comments on these posts throw me for a loop every single time! “Oh, they’re just kids. Hate and racism has always been around. Don’t blame Trump”. I’m not blaming Trump for racist people and their racist acts, I’m blaming him for making it okay.

I am a first generation American. My parents are immigrants. My mother has a green card, she is not an American citizen. She has worked her ass off in this country and continues to do so. She does not mooch. She does not break the law. She is a woman who is just trying to survive. We are not tan. We look like your every day white people. We do speak Portuguese, and I am a little scared to speak it in public. This still affects us, our hearts still bleed for those who are openly harassed day to day. When people say, “Oh Trump is just talk while Hillary is a murderer!”, it does make me think for a minute. Is he just some guy on a power trip that spews bullshit? Or has he not committed these crimes because he hasn’t had the opportunity…Yet? What’s frightening to me is how many people just completely downplay these events, I seriously cannot get over it! They truly do not believe Trump is capable of causing harm, please get your head out of your asses. Everyone has the potential to do harm. Everyone.

Let’s flip the coin for a second. These riots, the burning of flags, the fighting, coming from the opposite side. This is no way to protest. This is no way to represent our communities. It is not okay to fight unless you are being attacked. It is not okay to burn flags, we need to respect this nation as Donald Trump wasn’t more than some reality TV star trash bag until now. Why are we letting him shake us so? Why are we stooping to their level of hatred? Beating up on a Trump supporter walking down the street just because they’re wearing a Trump hat is not making you look like you have a true purpose. I understand this situation is bringing out the worst in us but we need to stand up the right way. We have no control over the fact that he’s the president at this point. Eight years ago I said, “I don’t care about anyone’s thoughts on Barack Obama becoming President, the fact of the matter is he is our President and we must respect him until he gives us a reason DURING his presidency to make us feel otherwise”. I feel the same way about Trump. He is our leader now and we have to at least give him a chance, and if he messes this up, then we’ll have a reason to really revolt.

What pisses me off is 8 years ago, these people who are spreading so much hate and racism didn’t say that we should respect Obama and are now expecting it for Trump. Practice what you preach or shut the hell up. Period. People actually feel okay to fly confederate/nazi flags, people actually feel okay with shouting ‘Ni****’, people actually feel okay with telling their children they’re not to play with kids who aren’t white at school, people actually feel okay with telling others that they cannot speak another language because it’s the new “law”. IGNORANT, STUPID, MISINFORMED IDIOCY! What are we if we don’t all respect each other? Do we expect other countries to respect us as a country? We are the butt of everyone’s jokes. It’s we as a people who are making it this way. We need to get our shit together. I am all for people with different opinions and views, just don’t push that shit onto everyone else, especially with violence.

So many are saying, “Hillary should’ve traded places with Bernie”. Where the hell were all of you during the primaries? I am angry. Bernie would’ve had a real chance over Trump. Bernie was part of the change we wanted to see. Better luck next time, let this be a lesson to those of you who didn’t vote. In addition, if you didn’t vote, you have no right to complain. You have no right to protest or to bitch. You did nothing but expected results. That is not how it works!

To those of you who have experienced this hate first hand. Please know that where there is bad, there is always good. You are loved. You are wanted here. You will always find people around you to help you and support you if in need. The racists and bigots have always been racists and bigots. They’ve just been injected with pride and a sense of superiority. We will get past this, it will get better. You did not come here to fail or to be dragged through the mud, you came here for the same reason my parents and grandparents came here. To make something of yourself. For a chance. A real chance. LGBTQ and women, we have come too far and have gone through too much to let this shake us. We are stronger as a team. Stick together. Spread love among the hate. Spread strength and unity. Spread fearlessness and class.

Spread hope.

 

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You’re A Person Too

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As we all know, there has been a LOT going on in the United States in the past few months and in the past couple of weeks. Before any of you start going off about how “these things happen in other countries every second of every day”, please realize that I care about all of these events. I feel for all of the people who have suffered, in all countries. However, right now, I’m focusing on the events here. I refuse to feel guilty about caring for the people in my own country.

Officers dying, innocent black people dying, protesters, mass shootings, PEOPLE dying. People. There is a rage flooding this country that has been rumbling for far too long and it’s getting out of hand. This hate needs to just stop, when will it stop? It is not enough to not be racist. That is no longer effective, action needs to be taken. Change needs to happen. I stand for every race, every ethnicity, all cultures. I don’t, however, stand for violence or ignorance or hatred. I don’t stand for the dummies that say all lives matter, we friggin’ know that all lives matter, the fact that we even need to say that out loud is sad. The thing is, people preach that all lives matter, however, not ALL LIVES ARE BEING TREATED EQUALLY. Can’t anyone understand this? Black Lives Matter’s purpose is to show this country that black lives aren’t being treated justly, they’re not being treated like “all” lives matter. That is the issue at hand. Innocent members of the black community being murdered.Not just by police officers, mind you. Then we have the audacity to be upset when there is friction, protesters, and acts of violence reciprocated.

Imagine always having to walk on eggshells because you don’t know how someone is going to react to you. Not someone, but a somewholeentirecommunityofwhitepeople. Of course, there is bad and good in all communities. The man who shot all of those police officers completely threw all and any progress of peaceful protesters to the wind. Understand this. Understand that it was a peaceful protest that some idiot with a gun decided to take into his own hands. One step forward, four steps back. Blue lives matter too, but that does not dismiss the fact that they are a representation of each other and some of them decided to MURDER innocent individuals in the name of white privilege. If you think white privilege isn’t a “thing”, please go into any Wal Mart or Target and use the self check out….Do they hover? No? Do they check your receipt? No? Hmmm….Funny. That shit is real. The problem is we want life to be so FeeFee LaLa we can’t get our heads out of our asses long enough to take a good hard look. I have good friends who are officers, and they are goodhearted  officers who do right by their community and I am so happy to be able to say that. I have good friends of color and they are goodhearted people who do right by their community and I am so happy to be able to say that. I have good friends who are white and they are goodhearted people who do right by their community and I am so happy to be able to say that. This is a small percentage of a very, very big country.

It is frightening how far backwards this country has leaped, so far backwards. It’s scary. How am I to raise a child in this? How? Should I rely on the fact that we look white? Should I bank on that? I come from immigrants. I’m not talking the regular “oh my great great great great great greeeeeat grandparents came here from England” story most people like to recount. I’m talking my mother isn’t a citizen here, legal, but not a citizen. My father became a citizen in his thirties. My second language is English. We are minorities. So the fact that there are people out there who hate anyone not “from here” scares me. It’s sheer ignorance. We can’t even call this a civilized country anymore, it’s going to shit. We don’t have the right to say that we are civilized. Animals treat each other with more respect.

I want all of you who disagree, to say this with me…Slowly now, don’t hurt yourselves…

Human 

Beings

Shouldn’t

Have

To

Fight

To

Be 

Treated

Like

Human

Beings

Actually, try that a few times.

I heard something the other day that was so true, I had to sit and think about it for a while. I had to let it sink in. “There isn’t more violence, there are just more cameras”. There isn’t more violence. There are just more cameras. People have been suffering for YEARS, undetected, unseen, unheard, out of mind. The black community is now taking a stand because enough is enough. This was bound to happen, people were bound to get fed up. It’s only going to get worse, much worse, before it ever gets better. What saddens me is that this is even still an issue. 2016…Forward thinkers….Innovators….Movers… Shakers…Yet, we still see all of this happening.

The land of the free?

Free, for who?

 

 

27

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I haven’t written in forever SORRY. Friday was my birthday and man am I creeping up in age. I get people all the time who are like “you’re ONLY 27”, but they’re just not understanding how I feel about this. I’m 27 and I don’t have much to show for it in my mind.

Yes, I have a gorgeous daughter and a loving boyfriend. Yes, I have a good job. Yes, I haven’t died yet. Okay. When I was 16 I had a plan, a check list, an idea of where I would be at the glorious age of 27.

  1. Master’s in Psychology degree achieved, going for my doctorate. I was on the right track at 18 when I was taking SO many units in college and into my early twenties but I WILL finish this dream. Even if I have to attend college while my child is in college.
  2. Buy my own house, without a partner. All by myself. I had a house but I let HIM keep it.
  3. Find the love of my life. Which I did just in the nick of time.
  4. I know this one seems a bit petty but I really wanted to have that cookie cutter marriage and one child. ONE CHILD ACHIEVED AND IT’S AWESOME! But no marriage. Imagine if I would have married him? Ew.
  5. I would have traveled all of Europe and Australia by now.
  6. Attend more than 100 concerts (including festivals).
  7. Experience the Fado houses in Portugal.
  8. Attend a World Cup Match
  9. Start a blog (I did it! Not a successful one, but I wanted to find a healthier outlet)
  10. Be happy. Genuinely happy. You see I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot in my life to be happy about, don’t get me wrong. But there is so much that I need to change to make me genuinely 100% happy. Getting there.

 

The thing about this list is, I was young and stupid. Nothing ever goes as planned in life, and that’s okay as long as you GET IT DONE EVENTUALLY. Real life shit held me back. Not laziness, not a lack of motivation, but situations that I could and could not control. Looking back at this I’m realizing that I gave myself very little time to conquer the world and I’ve been beating myself up for it for years now. I need to cut myself a little slack, but that’s hard to do. I’m absolutely my worst critic and I don’t see that ever changing. Little by little I’m accomplishing these things and my list keeps growing. I AM grateful, I love my life, I LOVE my daughter, I love my partner, I love my true friends, but I’m having a hard time loving myself right now for multiple reasons. It makes things complicated when you don’t fully love yourself, I seriously mean that. I have to get back on track. I used to love myself and along the way I just got lost. Some days are better than others, some days I wake up and think – I wouldn’t want to be anybody else – and other days I just want to tear myself apart. I have to remind myself to be positive. Happy birthday to me and yay for self realization.

I’m at a stand still.

I need to move. Get it going, get it together.

Go.

Freedom Isn’t Always a Good Thing

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He’s out.

As I was standing there, getting ready for bed, I received a phone call. My phone read “Robert”. I just let it ring, and ring as my throat closed up. It took me a while to really process what was happening, and I realized, he’s out. My ex has been released from prison, you can find my post about that whole situation >>> here . Before he was incarcerated, he was on trial for two years and he made my life hell. He was able to swindle 50/50 custody out of the court system and on top of that, made co-parenting extremely difficult. How did he manage to do that? He has a lawyer, hell he even took me to court while he was IN prison! If he cared about our daughter, he would know that it is in her best interest to be close to me because I absolutely love her so much. No. He does things for his own benefit, and just to hurt me. He doesn’t care about her well being, he doesn’t care about what makes her happy, he only cares about revenge. He’s upset because I never took him back (naturally) and now he’s upset because he actually got convicted (he was so sure he wouldn’t be because he thinks this is the Azores). Court is in April and I’m so scared, anxious, and nervous. I know I have my daughter’s best interest in mind, but he has a lawyer and money….And all I have is love. It’s crazy to see one parent try to take their children away from another parent, even when they know that parent absolutely loves their children. They just do it for personal gain, it’s sick. I know so many people who are like my ex in that sense, and they get away with it. Here’s hoping court goes well because I don’t think I could handle anymore bad news at this point.

 

Thank God for my amazing support system and the strength my gorgeous daughter gives me. I don’t know where I would be without it.

20 Things That I Don’t Like In No Particular Order

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  1. Selfish people
  2. People who post quotes on Facebook to make others believe they’re Ghandi
  3. These same people doing the exact opposite of said quotes
  4. Judgmental people
  5. Liars
  6. People who take advantage of others, especially emotionally
  7. Gross, dirty sponges
  8. People who place the trash bin on the counter just to change the bag
  9. People who tell me how to parent
  10. Teenagers
  11. Attention whores
  12. Ugly attention whores
  13. People who are self absorbed
  14. Entitled people
  15. People
  16. Having my ears touched
  17. Oprah
  18. Clothes
  19. People who take you for granted
  20. Unnoticed efforts

Self Destruction

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Why are people so self destructive? I don’t mean physically, really, I mean mentally. We often times are the creators of our own drama. So much is created inside of our heads, mostly because we care too much about others and we dwell too much on situations. Every day I come across conversations, people venting about their lives and situations. Too often do I hear women go on and on about a million ways their significant other is probably cheating on them. Too often do hear people talk about how horrible their lives are and how much better things would be if this or that just happened.

I’m guilty of this. My life would be easier if I won the lottery. My life would be easier if my ex would just drop dead. My life would be easier if people would just stop being assholes.

We sit here and are so inside of our heads, we just go on and on until we’ve driven ourselves crazy. Why do we do this? The world is crazy enough without us having to augment issues in our minds. Your boyfriend is cheating on you? Maybe? No? Perhaps? You will find out when the times comes, and if that time ever does come, then worry. Don’t just worry, leave the piece of shit. If you feel your life is so horrible, please take a moment and figure out what you can do to make it better. Now, as I’m typing this I’m figuring out ways to do this myself because I have a lot of improvements to make personally. I’m very self aware. I’m not going to give you the same advice everyone else does because it’s all shit.

“Your life is tough but think of Syria”.

“Your life is tough but think of Africa”.

“Your life is tough but think of the Holocaust”.

Shut the hell up.

Yes, there are many things that occur and have occurred in the world much worse than going bankrupt, losing your car, divorce, your children hating you and so on. Sure. That doesn’t make these problems any less real to YOU. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still be upset about your situation. That DOES mean you should be proactive, because you do have control over your life. You have control of who you surround yourself with. You have control over who you let affect your emotions, your well being, YOUR SANITY. Don’t let situations make you feel like your LIFE is a mess, don’t let people have the power to hurt you. Especially selfish people, because they don’t care about you. Hell, they don’t even think about you because they’re so busy thinking about themselves.

I can feel my sanity slipping because of these people, why have I allowed this?

Why have you allowed this?

The Urge

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She had been living her life in a daze, twisting and turning with the motions as if in a a black sea of doubt and failure. She had people who claimed to love her, she had a beautiful daughter, and a decent job. She attempted to consume her misery by focusing on others and their happiness, but still, something was missing. She worked hours upon hours only to find no gratitude or growth in her path, but that was okay, because at least she had a job. She wasn’t homeless, yet. She wasn’t hopeless, yet.

She found someone who could lift her spirits, much like her daughter had been able to do, since birth. Then she found something different inside of her, something she couldn’t explain. Always analyzing, always fearful, doubtful, creating issues out of nothing. Creating issues out of something. So where does this leave her? Is it better to over analyze moments, actions, or lack there of…Or is it better to assume everything is fine until it blows up in her face? Again.

She could feel herself unraveling, coming undone. She was changing before her eyes, no longer caring about anyone else but her daughter. She didn’t care about what her parents thought, or siblings, or family…In fact she was one comment away from putting them all in their place. Holding up a mirror so they can see themselves, so they can realize how fucked up they are. So fucked up that anytime they dared to pinpoint her faults, she just laughed.

One morning, she woke up and began her day as she usually did. Convincing herself that it would be a better day, hiding her fears and insecurities behind makeup as she always has. Brushing her hair while in deep thought, planning out her day. She looks at her daughter, asleep and so peaceful, remembering a happier time and hoping her daughter never has to suffer. Every time she looks at her, her eyes swell up with tears; sometimes from sadness, others from joy and admiration. She looks away and begins to dress.

She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and looks away, never being able to make eye contact for reasons she still can’t seem to unfold. She decides that maybe that’s the problem, what is she so scared of? And then she looked in the mirror, staring deeply into her own eyes.

Lost.

Where are you? Where are you? She searches. She closes her eyes and then opens them again. Ah…There. There are you are. Hi. It’s been a while.