Tag Archives: Knowledge

America the Beautiful

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AMERRRIIICCCAAAA AMEEEERRRRIIICCCAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘MURCA!

I’m sure there are thousands of blog posts out there focused on the US Presidential Election. I’m sure some of these posts bash Republicans, and others bash Democrats. I’m sure some of those blogs are written by people who aren’t even in the states but this election has affected the WORLD in such a way that everyone is feeling a bit of pain or happiness.

I’m sure some talk about everything I’m about to talk about and more.

However, I feel if I don’t blog about this I might never shut up about it on social media and I’m getting tired of even my own posts about this election to be honest. I really can’t help it. You don’t have to read my blog and you don’t have to like my blog. You don’t even have to agree. It’s mine to write on.

Let’s start with a few facts. I don’t discriminate against anyone who doesn’t agree with my views as long as they disagree in a civil manner. I have so many Trump supporting friends who are respectful and who understand that I am entitled to my own opinions. I voted Bernie. I am still very irritated that Hillary ran instead of Bernie, let’s make that clear. I am also devastated to see Obama go. I voted for Hillary. I am not a lazy, jobless, liberal. I do not believe in gun control, I do believe in legalizing pot, I am pro-choice, and I’m a Catholic. I am constantly called a liberal because of my age, it is constantly assumed that I’ve had a handful of abortions and I want all the pot. It is constantly assumed that I’m scared of guns and an atheist. It is constantly assumed that I feel entitled and that I am too stupid to carry my own weight. I am none of these things. I am an individual with different views on different things with different values who would like to not be labeled.

Barack and Michelle have represented our country with such grace and class, I’m not sure we’ll ever get that back. I am truly going to miss them. I don’t care if you’re not a Democrat or if you didn’t agree with their policies or the changes they’ve made, you can’t take that away from them. Hillary is scary, I will not sugar coat it and I won’t ever say she would be an exceptional President, because I don’t believe she would be. I did believe she’d keep our heads above water until the next election though.  Trump. My Lord….Trump. Insane, big mouthed, trashy, ill mannered and sexist. Hillary has a past that would make even the KKK shake in their boots and Trump is just a disgusting human being who will, and has, embarrassed this country. I just hope they script everything that comes out of his mouth from ordering a burger to making public speeches, he’s just that damn offensive. I feel he is unprepared for his position as Hillary has spent most of her life building up to this only to lose. I wanted Trump to lose more than I wanted Hillary to lose is my point. I believe Trump is one of those people that will abuse his power, we have taken hate and given him a huge, fat, fist. I would not have chosen Hillary to be our first female president, I don’t feel she deserves that title, but I just really could not get behind Trump.

Trump has promoted hate, bullying and racism throughout his entire campaign. Do I believe he can just go out and deport everyone? No. Do I believe he’s going to just flip the entire country upside down in four years? He might, but it’ll be difficult to do since he’s not the only one who makes the decisions. Do I believe that my Republican friends promote this hate and bigotry? Absolutely not. What I do believe, however, is he has enabled every single person who has always been racist and who has always been hateful to act out. He has encouraged these people to treat anyone who is not like them, like dirt. As if they are not part of the foundation of this country. As if they don’t have anything positive to offer us. They should “go back” to their country because they wear hijabs or speak another language. Pure ignorance is swallowing us up. I’ve seen videos that made my stomach turn. People pulling off hijabs, throwing around racial slurs, threatening people and so forth. This is scary. Children in elementary schools are bringing up the fact that Trump is now president, so now the brown people need to leave. The comments on these posts throw me for a loop every single time! “Oh, they’re just kids. Hate and racism has always been around. Don’t blame Trump”. I’m not blaming Trump for racist people and their racist acts, I’m blaming him for making it okay.

I am a first generation American. My parents are immigrants. My mother has a green card, she is not an American citizen. She has worked her ass off in this country and continues to do so. She does not mooch. She does not break the law. She is a woman who is just trying to survive. We are not tan. We look like your every day white people. We do speak Portuguese, and I am a little scared to speak it in public. This still affects us, our hearts still bleed for those who are openly harassed day to day. When people say, “Oh Trump is just talk while Hillary is a murderer!”, it does make me think for a minute. Is he just some guy on a power trip that spews bullshit? Or has he not committed these crimes because he hasn’t had the opportunity…Yet? What’s frightening to me is how many people just completely downplay these events, I seriously cannot get over it! They truly do not believe Trump is capable of causing harm, please get your head out of your asses. Everyone has the potential to do harm. Everyone.

Let’s flip the coin for a second. These riots, the burning of flags, the fighting, coming from the opposite side. This is no way to protest. This is no way to represent our communities. It is not okay to fight unless you are being attacked. It is not okay to burn flags, we need to respect this nation as Donald Trump wasn’t more than some reality TV star trash bag until now. Why are we letting him shake us so? Why are we stooping to their level of hatred? Beating up on a Trump supporter walking down the street just because they’re wearing a Trump hat is not making you look like you have a true purpose. I understand this situation is bringing out the worst in us but we need to stand up the right way. We have no control over the fact that he’s the president at this point. Eight years ago I said, “I don’t care about anyone’s thoughts on Barack Obama becoming President, the fact of the matter is he is our President and we must respect him until he gives us a reason DURING his presidency to make us feel otherwise”. I feel the same way about Trump. He is our leader now and we have to at least give him a chance, and if he messes this up, then we’ll have a reason to really revolt.

What pisses me off is 8 years ago, these people who are spreading so much hate and racism didn’t say that we should respect Obama and are now expecting it for Trump. Practice what you preach or shut the hell up. Period. People actually feel okay to fly confederate/nazi flags, people actually feel okay with shouting ‘Ni****’, people actually feel okay with telling their children they’re not to play with kids who aren’t white at school, people actually feel okay with telling others that they cannot speak another language because it’s the new “law”. IGNORANT, STUPID, MISINFORMED IDIOCY! What are we if we don’t all respect each other? Do we expect other countries to respect us as a country? We are the butt of everyone’s jokes. It’s we as a people who are making it this way. We need to get our shit together. I am all for people with different opinions and views, just don’t push that shit onto everyone else, especially with violence.

So many are saying, “Hillary should’ve traded places with Bernie”. Where the hell were all of you during the primaries? I am angry. Bernie would’ve had a real chance over Trump. Bernie was part of the change we wanted to see. Better luck next time, let this be a lesson to those of you who didn’t vote. In addition, if you didn’t vote, you have no right to complain. You have no right to protest or to bitch. You did nothing but expected results. That is not how it works!

To those of you who have experienced this hate first hand. Please know that where there is bad, there is always good. You are loved. You are wanted here. You will always find people around you to help you and support you if in need. The racists and bigots have always been racists and bigots. They’ve just been injected with pride and a sense of superiority. We will get past this, it will get better. You did not come here to fail or to be dragged through the mud, you came here for the same reason my parents and grandparents came here. To make something of yourself. For a chance. A real chance. LGBTQ and women, we have come too far and have gone through too much to let this shake us. We are stronger as a team. Stick together. Spread love among the hate. Spread strength and unity. Spread fearlessness and class.

Spread hope.

 

27

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I haven’t written in forever SORRY. Friday was my birthday and man am I creeping up in age. I get people all the time who are like “you’re ONLY 27”, but they’re just not understanding how I feel about this. I’m 27 and I don’t have much to show for it in my mind.

Yes, I have a gorgeous daughter and a loving boyfriend. Yes, I have a good job. Yes, I haven’t died yet. Okay. When I was 16 I had a plan, a check list, an idea of where I would be at the glorious age of 27.

  1. Master’s in Psychology degree achieved, going for my doctorate. I was on the right track at 18 when I was taking SO many units in college and into my early twenties but I WILL finish this dream. Even if I have to attend college while my child is in college.
  2. Buy my own house, without a partner. All by myself. I had a house but I let HIM keep it.
  3. Find the love of my life. Which I did just in the nick of time.
  4. I know this one seems a bit petty but I really wanted to have that cookie cutter marriage and one child. ONE CHILD ACHIEVED AND IT’S AWESOME! But no marriage. Imagine if I would have married him? Ew.
  5. I would have traveled all of Europe and Australia by now.
  6. Attend more than 100 concerts (including festivals).
  7. Experience the Fado houses in Portugal.
  8. Attend a World Cup Match
  9. Start a blog (I did it! Not a successful one, but I wanted to find a healthier outlet)
  10. Be happy. Genuinely happy. You see I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot in my life to be happy about, don’t get me wrong. But there is so much that I need to change to make me genuinely 100% happy. Getting there.

 

The thing about this list is, I was young and stupid. Nothing ever goes as planned in life, and that’s okay as long as you GET IT DONE EVENTUALLY. Real life shit held me back. Not laziness, not a lack of motivation, but situations that I could and could not control. Looking back at this I’m realizing that I gave myself very little time to conquer the world and I’ve been beating myself up for it for years now. I need to cut myself a little slack, but that’s hard to do. I’m absolutely my worst critic and I don’t see that ever changing. Little by little I’m accomplishing these things and my list keeps growing. I AM grateful, I love my life, I LOVE my daughter, I love my partner, I love my true friends, but I’m having a hard time loving myself right now for multiple reasons. It makes things complicated when you don’t fully love yourself, I seriously mean that. I have to get back on track. I used to love myself and along the way I just got lost. Some days are better than others, some days I wake up and think – I wouldn’t want to be anybody else – and other days I just want to tear myself apart. I have to remind myself to be positive. Happy birthday to me and yay for self realization.

I’m at a stand still.

I need to move. Get it going, get it together.

Go.

The Tank

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I picked up my daughter after work yesterday, like any other day. Her father called to speak with her from prison, which I allow, and they have exactly fifteen minutes to talk. I feel relieved that he called during our thirty minute commute back home because I needed a moment to myself to get over the crappy day I had; I always need a moment like this if I’ve had a bad day to make sure my attitude is positive around Victoria. Once finished, Victoria hands over the phone and I ask her about her day, as usual. We talk about the Thanksgiving lunch they had in class and she tells me all that she’s learned about the Pilgrims and Indians. I smile and tell her how much I love her. I always feel the need to reassure her, to make sure she understands that I will never leave her side…

“I love you…So, so much Victoria. I’m so proud of you honey.”

“I love you too Mãe. Thanks.”

“You’re my absolute best friend.”

“Mãe, you can’t be…You’re my mom.”

“What?! Sure I can!! I love you thiiiisssssss much!” *stretches arm out*

“Wooooow that’s a lot! Well I love you thiiiiiisssssssssss much more!” *extends both arms out* *pauses for a minute* “Actually…No.”

“Hmm…?”

“Actually Mommy…I have a tank!”

“I don’t understand amor.”

“Yeah. I have a tank inside of me. Actually Mãe, we all have tanks inside of us. I fill up my tank with love. Love for you, love for Avó, love for Avô, love for Pae and Titias and everyone!”

“Oh, is that right?”

“Yes! But my tank is mostly full of love for you mom. You’re my favorite mommy! But sometimes, my tank feels empty. Like when daddy doesn’t come and see me. But then! Then mommy comes and fills it up again! You’re a good tank filler mom.”

“Honey, daddy will see you soon. He loves you so much, he always wants to see you.”

“Yeah…Well…I know. It’s okay, I have you right? Always?”

“Yes, honey, always.”

“See! Mãe, do I fill up your tank?”

“As long as I have you, my tank is never empty”

She moved on to a different topic, as she normally takes control of our conversations. For some reason I couldn’t shake our previous conversation, I wondered where she got that from, or if she made it up on her own. A tank. My six year old has a better concept of how love works than most people, and how it affects us. We all have tanks that can be emptied and filled every day, depending on the circumstance. Some situations empty us, and others fill us, and some people do the same. We all have one, but is it empty? Full? Functioning? Cracked? Leaking? Who fills it? Who do we allow to empty it? Are we in control of this? I spent years with an empty tank not realizing that my “tank filler” was always there, staring up at me. Sitting there in all of her youth…And oddly, all of her wisdom. This little person teaches me something new every day.

I think what I would like to teach her down the line is that we shouldn’t rely on anyone to fill our tank…We should be able to fill that ourselves; everyone else is just the “top off”. How could I, when she’s the only one who fills my tank to the brim? Overflowing, making a beautiful mess inside me of emotions.

Is your tank full?

Young Girl

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Young Girl

I see you. Holding his hand as you walk across the street, and I wonder. At nothing more than 15 years old, do you worry about what might/will happen? Or are you what I was like at your age? Are you so sure in your mind that it’s going to last forever, that you don’t dare think about this fantasy evaporating into thin air. Do you feel like he’s the perfect boy and are you positive he’ll grow into the man of your dreams? When he touches you, do you feel like no boy could ever possibly feel better than this one? Do your parents approve? Do you care? Does he call you names when he’s upset? Does he ignore you because he feels like it? Does he say things just to hurt your feelings because that’s what teen boys and girls do? Does he respect you the way he should? Are you ready for the heart break that is ahead?

We’ve all been there before, young girl. Just know that we are all rooting for you and your happiness, and if this teenage love does flourish into a relationship that lasts forever…You’ve beat all of the odds. But, young girl, please remember that if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be okay. There is a love that exists much deeper than the one you are feeling now. There is a man out there who will make you feel things, in your future, that you couldn’t possibly be feeling with this boy. This love you feel at this moment is shallow. It’s based on appearances, and popularity, and cool shoes. It’s based on pretty hair and the fact that everyone else is doing it. It’s based on his smooth way of making you feel giggly and your short shorts. Thinking about it now, a lot of adult relationships are like this. That’s not what you want. You want more. You want it to be based on the way he calls you every morning to hear your voice, not just some text. You want it to be based on how he talks about you to others, the twinkle in his eye when you’re brought up in conversation. The respect he shows you every day. The way he holds you when you’re upset. The hair on the back of your neck standing up when he brushes your skin with his hand. How he makes you want to do things for him, not out of obligation, but out of love. Those flowers just because it’s Wednesday. Those sexless nights filled with deep conversation and understanding.

This boy might break your heart, or you might break his. Focus on your well being and your future. Don’t let him pressure you into having sex at such a young age. Don’t let him treat you like shit because you are worth so much more than that. There is time for love. There is time for children and marriage….And sex….And passion. It may not seem like it now, but there is time. This boy will not help you finish school, he will not help you mature, he will not turn you into the successful woman I know you can be. He may not be a bad person, or a boy with bad intentions, but guard your heart for it is fragile. You’ll find that it will harden as you experience and grow, but there will come a time when you meet the man of your dreams and he’s able to soften your heart again. You’ll look back at this current relationship and think…Wow, I learned a lot from that relationship. I don’t even remember what I felt with that boy, because it was smothered by all of the things teenagers go through…Including hormones.

When you’re young, everything seems like it’s the end of the world. But it’s not. It’s just the beginning. When you love life, it’ll love you right back. I promise.