Tag Archives: Empower

Hallelu-yer!

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He should show that he loves you, even years down the line, just because he has you doesn’t mean the possibility of losing you isn’t there. He should whisper sweet nothings in your ear. He should acknowledge birthdays and anniversaries even if with nothing but a hug and an “I Love You”. He should put you first above his friends and his pride. He should hold you when you cry and support you during your most triumphant moments. He should love you when you’re fat, skinny, happy, sad, ugly, beautiful and hair a mess. He should buy you flowers. He should speak highly of you to others and never be afraid to show his love for you. He should never be embarrassed of you, or your loud laugh. He should want you to meet his family. You should share inside jokes and laugh freely with each other. He should want to make passionate love to you and only you. He should make dinner sometimes. He should make you feel butterflies always and forever. When you argue, he should be compassionate and hear your side of things, even if he still doesn’t agree.

As a woman raised in this country during these times, I’ve been taught to expect all of these things from a man. I’ve been taught that I am a woman and I deserve the best at all times. I deserve to be treated like a “Queen” and I deserve “equality”. I ask you, what does equality mean to you? Over the years I’ve noticed how women have taken a stand against inequality and I am all for it. However, the people I’m hearing this from just aren’t making any sense. Just because I have a vagina, I automatically deserve all of these things? I don’t have to earn it, I don’t have to give respect but I’ll get it? I don’t have to do all of the small things for my partner, but he should do it for me? We expect all of these things from our partner, yet we want equality without having to give back.

I will admit, I was raised by strict Portuguese parents and surrounded by a huge Portuguese family that believes women cater to men. Perhaps my opinion on this is a bit biased due to this fact; at the same time I am a woman who was raised in this country, during these times, and I am aware of my worth. I believe in gender roles to a certain degree. You heard it folks. I expect to be the one who does most of the cooking, cleaning and any other “inside” duties that are required. Sure, I expect my partner to be open to helping me when needed, but his main duties are to take care of anything that needs to be taken care of “outside”. As in, I will absolutely never, ever, ever, take out the trash and that’s that. Sure, call this “depending” on a man. Sure, call this not being a strong, independent woman. Call it whatever the hell you want to call it to make yourself feel superior. I call it, “whatever the fuck works for me”. I will serve his plate at family functions, I will fold his clothes, I will cook and I will stay up late with sick children if I need to. I am a woman and I am strong. I am capable of much more than what I’ve been given credit for. I agree with all of the above, men should treat us well and with respect. They should love us unconditionally and they should be loyal to us. So why, when a man says the same thing, suddenly it’s disrespectful and suddenly he’s just some jerk reeking of glorified machismo.

He should depend on me like I depend on him because it is a partnership.We are a team. One does not outweigh the other, we both work equally as hard. He should give me flowers whether bought or picked from our own garden. He should hold me when I’m upset. He should put up with my loud, obnoxious laugh when I’m buzzed and someone tells me some shitty knock knock joke. But I should also love him and show him that I love him. I should also hold him when he’s upset, even if it makes him feel uncomfortable. It’s just the only way it’ll work, is to have a mutual understanding. These things aren’t outlined in black and white, each couple is different. Each circumstance unique.

Do not worship him.

He is not your idol. He is no better than you. He is not deserving of the double standard. He is your partner, your lover, your boyfriend, your husband, your best friend. No, he can’t talk to you that way. No, you don’t have to stay. No, you don’t have to put up with any of that.

You are a person.

You are stronger than you think. You don’t have to reciprocate his attitude or his actions. You should be the bigger person and do what’s best for YOU.

It is important for women to know their worth. Don’t ever let a man run you. But, don’t ever think for a second it’s okay to run a man.

So stop preaching about equality when you don’t even know what the hell it means.

e·qual·i·ty
əˈkwälədē/
noun
 
  1. the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.
    “an organization aiming to promote racial equality”
    synonyms: fairness, equal rights, equal opportunities, equity, egalitarianism; More

     
    • MATHEMATICS
      a symbolic expression of the fact that two quantities are equal; an equation.
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Young Girl

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Young Girl

I see you. Holding his hand as you walk across the street, and I wonder. At nothing more than 15 years old, do you worry about what might/will happen? Or are you what I was like at your age? Are you so sure in your mind that it’s going to last forever, that you don’t dare think about this fantasy evaporating into thin air. Do you feel like he’s the perfect boy and are you positive he’ll grow into the man of your dreams? When he touches you, do you feel like no boy could ever possibly feel better than this one? Do your parents approve? Do you care? Does he call you names when he’s upset? Does he ignore you because he feels like it? Does he say things just to hurt your feelings because that’s what teen boys and girls do? Does he respect you the way he should? Are you ready for the heart break that is ahead?

We’ve all been there before, young girl. Just know that we are all rooting for you and your happiness, and if this teenage love does flourish into a relationship that lasts forever…You’ve beat all of the odds. But, young girl, please remember that if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be okay. There is a love that exists much deeper than the one you are feeling now. There is a man out there who will make you feel things, in your future, that you couldn’t possibly be feeling with this boy. This love you feel at this moment is shallow. It’s based on appearances, and popularity, and cool shoes. It’s based on pretty hair and the fact that everyone else is doing it. It’s based on his smooth way of making you feel giggly and your short shorts. Thinking about it now, a lot of adult relationships are like this. That’s not what you want. You want more. You want it to be based on the way he calls you every morning to hear your voice, not just some text. You want it to be based on how he talks about you to others, the twinkle in his eye when you’re brought up in conversation. The respect he shows you every day. The way he holds you when you’re upset. The hair on the back of your neck standing up when he brushes your skin with his hand. How he makes you want to do things for him, not out of obligation, but out of love. Those flowers just because it’s Wednesday. Those sexless nights filled with deep conversation and understanding.

This boy might break your heart, or you might break his. Focus on your well being and your future. Don’t let him pressure you into having sex at such a young age. Don’t let him treat you like shit because you are worth so much more than that. There is time for love. There is time for children and marriage….And sex….And passion. It may not seem like it now, but there is time. This boy will not help you finish school, he will not help you mature, he will not turn you into the successful woman I know you can be. He may not be a bad person, or a boy with bad intentions, but guard your heart for it is fragile. You’ll find that it will harden as you experience and grow, but there will come a time when you meet the man of your dreams and he’s able to soften your heart again. You’ll look back at this current relationship and think…Wow, I learned a lot from that relationship. I don’t even remember what I felt with that boy, because it was smothered by all of the things teenagers go through…Including hormones.

When you’re young, everything seems like it’s the end of the world. But it’s not. It’s just the beginning. When you love life, it’ll love you right back. I promise.