He should show that he loves you, even years down the line, just because he has you doesn’t mean the possibility of losing you isn’t there. He should whisper sweet nothings in your ear. He should acknowledge birthdays and anniversaries even if with nothing but a hug and an “I Love You”. He should put you first above his friends and his pride. He should hold you when you cry and support you during your most triumphant moments. He should love you when you’re fat, skinny, happy, sad, ugly, beautiful and hair a mess. He should buy you flowers. He should speak highly of you to others and never be afraid to show his love for you. He should never be embarrassed of you, or your loud laugh. He should want you to meet his family. You should share inside jokes and laugh freely with each other. He should want to make passionate love to you and only you. He should make dinner sometimes. He should make you feel butterflies always and forever. When you argue, he should be compassionate and hear your side of things, even if he still doesn’t agree.

As a woman raised in this country during these times, I’ve been taught to expect all of these things from a man. I’ve been taught that I am a woman and I deserve the best at all times. I deserve to be treated like a “Queen” and I deserve “equality”. I ask you, what does equality mean to you? Over the years I’ve noticed how women have taken a stand against inequality and I am all for it. However, the people I’m hearing this from just aren’t making any sense. Just because I have a vagina, I automatically deserve all of these things? I don’t have to earn it, I don’t have to give respect but I’ll get it? I don’t have to do all of the small things for my partner, but he should do it for me? We expect all of these things from our partner, yet we want equality without having to give back.

I will admit, I was raised by strict Portuguese parents and surrounded by a huge Portuguese family that believes women cater to men. Perhaps my opinion on this is a bit biased due to this fact; at the same time I am a woman who was raised in this country, during these times, and I am aware of my worth. I believe in gender roles to a certain degree. You heard it folks. I expect to be the one who does most of the cooking, cleaning and any other “inside” duties that are required. Sure, I expect my partner to be open to helping me when needed, but his main duties are to take care of anything that needs to be taken care of “outside”. As in, I will absolutely never, ever, ever, take out the trash and that’s that. Sure, call this “depending” on a man. Sure, call this not being a strong, independent woman. Call it whatever the hell you want to call it to make yourself feel superior. I call it, “whatever the fuck works for me”. I will serve his plate at family functions, I will fold his clothes, I will cook and I will stay up late with sick children if I need to. I am a woman and I am strong. I am capable of much more than what I’ve been given credit for. I agree with all of the above, men should treat us well and with respect. They should love us unconditionally and they should be loyal to us. So why, when a man says the same thing, suddenly it’s disrespectful and suddenly he’s just some jerk reeking of glorified machismo.

He should depend on me like I depend on him because it is a partnership.We are a team. One does not outweigh the other, we both work equally as hard. He should give me flowers whether bought or picked from our own garden. He should hold me when I’m upset. He should put up with my loud, obnoxious laugh when I’m buzzed and someone tells me some shitty knock knock joke. But I should also love him and show him that I love him. I should also hold him when he’s upset, even if it makes him feel uncomfortable. It’s just the only way it’ll work, is to have a mutual understanding. These things aren’t outlined in black and white, each couple is different. Each circumstance unique.

Do not worship him.

He is not your idol. He is no better than you. He is not deserving of the double standard. He is your partner, your lover, your boyfriend, your husband, your best friend. No, he can’t talk to you that way. No, you don’t have to stay. No, you don’t have to put up with any of that.

You are a person.

You are stronger than you think. You don’t have to reciprocate his attitude or his actions. You should be the bigger person and do what’s best for YOU.

It is important for women to know their worth. Don’t ever let a man run you. But, don’t ever think for a second it’s okay to run a man.

So stop preaching about equality when you don’t even know what the hell it means.

  1. the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.
    “an organization aiming to promote racial equality”
    synonyms: fairness, equal rights, equal opportunities, equity, egalitarianism; More

      a symbolic expression of the fact that two quantities are equal; an equation.

About amorefado

I am a mother of a gorgeous, intelligent, 7 year old daughter. I was raised in the Central Valley, California. My parents are immigrants from the Azores and I speak Portuguese (as well as Spanish) fluently. I've grown a lot in the last 4 years and I plan on doing a lot more of that. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I'm scatter brained. I'm 27, and I'm on a journey to find myself. I'm also here to entertain you with all of my randomness. You will love my posts or hate my posts, either way I write for myself. I am infatuated with music and unicorns (I own socks people, socks). I'm a huge asshole who loves everyone and cries about things that probably don't matter to anyone else.

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