I will not call this blog a “Dating Chronicle”. I will not go on and on about how horrible this person is, or how pathetic. I will not be cracking jokes about him or pulling out a laundry list of things that are wrong with him. All of the above are not necessary.
I met Michael through a mutual friend in the most unconventional way, through her Snapchat of all things! She posted a video of herself at a Portuguese bar and the rest of the people she was with.
“Who’s the blonde?”
“Oh, that’s my friend Mike, why?”
“He’s handsome.” Very handsome. Very blonde. Ew I don’t like blondes. That beard. He’s Portuguese, I said I’d never date a Portuguese man again. Ugh you always say that but there you are. Who cares that he’s blonde, he’s totally cute.
“Say no more.”
A couple of days later I got a message from Michael on Facebook asking me if it was okay that we talk. I couldn’t help but laugh and give him a hard time, “Of course we can talk, there’s nothing wrong with talking”. We messaged back and forth about where we were from, his family, my family (which know each other might I add) and hit it off. He asked for my number and it went from there. We text everyday but it seemed like it wasn’t really going anywhere, it was all very cordial.It took me a moment to realize this is how a respectful man treats a woman, this is how I deserve to be treated. I decided to spend my birthday in his neck of the woods (he lives about 1:30 hrs away and in my favorite city mind you) with our mutual friend and a group of other friends. I walked into the Portuguese bar I initially saw him at in the video, and there he was. At a whopping 5’2, his 6’0 stature was startling. He just looked at me.
“Hi…” Hi? “How are you? What, you can’t give me a hug?”
Hi? Hi?! I had to force him to give me a hug. Wow. I came to terms with the fact that he probably just wasn’t all that into me after meeting me for the first time in person. His friend was sitting at a table eating and he called myself and my sister over to talk to him which made the environment less tense. We talked, laughed, and I became more comfortable. So what if he doesn’t like me…NEXT.He ignored me the entire time we were there. My bitter thoughts flooded my mind. There are more where HE came from, pfft.
We all decided to go to a different bar so he closed up shop and came with us. I decided I’d ignore him the rest of the evening and just move on. There are PLENTY of men at the bar who will want all of this *shake shake*. We all walk in and it is a pretty decent bar, the music was great and my spirits lifted immediately. It was my birthday after all people! I started interacting with everyone and suddenly I get a tap on my shoulder.
“Hey, come take a shot with me.”
“Umm…Okay?” *evil stare* Oh now he wants to talk! FINE, I’ll take your silly shot but I’m not gonna like it! Who does he think he is anyway? Just treating people that way? Oh I’m cool now huh? I’m worth your time suddenly? Psha whatever. I’ll show him.
I didn’t. I didn’t show him. We sat at the bar and he bought me a shot. We talked while everyone around us got plastered and danced. We talked while our friends told us to take more shots (which we did) and made us dance. We talked about why he was being such an ass and his sorry excuse. We talked after he apologized. We had so much chemistry, I didn’t want him to stop talking. I realized how much I loved to watch him talk. Every move I noticed. The way his hands moved in the air. His knitted eyebrows when he was talking about something that concerned him. The way his crows feet showed when I made him laugh. His smile. The way he crinkled his nose when I would deliberately say something to annoy him. All of it. I was so attracted to him, being around him felt so natural.
We started seeing each other each week and talking more and more. He understood me so well and never judged me because of what happened to me in the past. He was a good listener, he was sweet, he was romantic, he was very honest. It was so refreshing yet sobering. He has two children who are the world to him and he respects that my little one is my world as well. That’s the one thing that I respected about him most, he’s a good dad; he always spoke of his children. He was very honest about why it didn’t work and very honest about the type of person she was and is, but he never spoke of her maliciously. He constantly talked about his children, and talked about how much he missed them when they weren’t around. His children are beautiful and I kept thinking about wanting to meet these two small people he created with his ex-wife. Wondering what they were like and if they’d get along with mine. Wondering how mine would feel about him. Of course, we agreed that neither one of us would be meeting each other’s children for a while for obvious reasons.
The moment he asked me to be his girlfriend, like we were two 14 year old kids standing in the middle of an ice cream shop, made me realize that he is what I’ve been looking for all of these years. There’s nothing to be scared of because I’ve made up my mind. Is it happening too fast? Sure. Should we slow down? Maybe. We’re not rushing into anything that would affect our children since we haven’t met each other’s children yet, so why worry? All I know is he was brought to me for a reason and it feels so right. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I think that’s what scares me. My feelings towards this man are completely unconditional and he has made it very clear in so many ways that the feeling is mutual. He doesn’t only tell me…He shows me every single day.
I’m not easily impressed, yet he impresses me. I’m not easily wooed, yet there he is making me swoon every day. I am NOT the type to get butterflies, but every time I know I’m going to see him I can’t help but feel like a giddy teenage girl. We don’t see each other often, but when we do, it’s always memorable. He always makes me want more of him. More laughter, more conversations, more discussions about how ridiculous it is that I like rock because I look like Malibu Barbie (after the children of course), and a deeper understanding of each other on every level we can think of. He’s also the type to not put up with my shit which is excellent because I definitely won’t put up with his. We balance each other out. He opens up to me and makes me feel comfortable enough to open up to him. He understands my constant battle with my ex as I understand his constant battle with his. I like that I have the ability to calm him. I like the way he looks at me with his big beautiful green eyes. The affection he shows me. The way he goes out of his way just to see me smile. He makes me want to do everything I can to make him happy. He makes me want to do better. He makes me smile. He makes me want to send him stupid sappy e-mails telling him that I miss him when it’s just as easy to send him a text. For those of you who know me, know I am not this way. He makes me less of an asshole. Years of bricks piled up, suddenly collapsed by this tall, amazing, passionate man.
Normally new relationships are very basic and they blossom into something more meaningful over time. With Michael, our connection had more depth than any connection I could’ve possibly obtained with anyone else. I’m scared. I’m anxious. I don’t know what will come of this or how things will turn out. I don’t know if it will last a lifetime or just a few months. I don’t know if he’ll get tired of me and my shenanigans or if he’ll find them charming. I. Don’t. Know.
But we never really do, do we? Faith is all we need and a little bit of elbow grease.