Monthly Archives: July 2015

Temporary Victory

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“Mrs. HorribleHairDay I see you’re here representing Mr. AssholeRapist. Obviously he can’t be here today *chuckle*”

“Yes your honor, we’re here to see if there’s anything we are able to do for Mr. AssholeRapist”

“What are you proposing Mrs. HorribleHairDay?”

“Well…We’d like to continue the same custody order as is in place along with call privileges for Mr. AssholeRapist”

“Custody is not appropriate since Mr. AssholeRapist is incarcerated, Mrs. HorribleHairDay”

“Well then, we’d like more time to look into the matter and possibly work out an agreement with Ms. Silveira”

No. Fuck you. No.

As you all know (if you’ve read my blog from the beginning), I am a single mom. My daughter’s award winning father is not around, thank God. However, even though he’s incarcerated for rape, I don’t get automatic full custody; it’s something that I have to actually file for. So that’s what I did. Ever since he’s been in prison, I’ve let him call and talk to my daughter and I’ve let his side of the family spend a weekend with her here and there. Of course, as any normal custody process goes, I had to have him served with paperwork. As soon as he caught wind that I was trying to get full custody of my daughter, who I’ve been taking care of on my own anyway, he sent a lawyer and his shitty sister-in-law to represent him in the case. Who fucking does that? A control freak that’s who.

I walk into the court room, relieved that I’ll finally have sole custody of my daughter. Relieved that the decisions I already make on my own, will be legally my right to make. Excited that I won’t have to answer to him, or consider his opinion, or deal with him doing things behind my back. Like enrolling my daughter in a less than satisfactory school behind my back. Or stealing my car. Or wiping out our bank account. All of these things won’t be possible for him. He has no rights. He is a rapist. He broke the rules. Denied. You cannot pass GO. You cannot collect $200. You. Suck.

Little did I know that he would have his ugly sister-in-law there and a lawyer, ready to take my rights away. Ready to fight me in this pointless battle. As soon as I saw them, my heart sank. I immediately wanted to cry, I was so livid, I felt that I had no control over my life and over my already fucked up situation. At first, I found out that the sister-in-law was trying to get custody rights to where my daughter would go to her house every other weekend or so. Over my rotting, filthy, dead body. It’s unfortunate that he’s brainwashed his family, so much so, that they really believe I’m an inadequate mother. I’m a great mother. Every decision I make is based around Victoria’s well being, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO letting his shitty family see her and letting him call her. I don’t HAVE to do that. I don’t HAVE to play nice. I don’t HAVE to stop my family mid sentence when I know they’re going to bad mouth him in front of my daughter. I don’t HAVE to be nice to his ugly, whore sister-in-law (who he’s sleeping with…Yeah…His brother’s wife) or let her see Victoria. I can say…Oops…Your dad ditched you. He chose to get his dick wet honey, sorry. He chose 5 minutes of pleasure, while you slept in the next room, over your stability and well being. Why would I feed my daughter such negativity? Or surround her with such negative words, actions, and people?

I wouldn’t.

That’s my point. Her father is such a control freak that he really believes he can keep me from having full custody while he’s in prison. What did he think was going to happen? Did he think I was going to drop her off at the prison every weekend and let her bunk with him and his roommate, SemiChub? Perhaps he thought the guards were running a daycare. His sister-in-law, who is not blood related, has nothing to do with anything. I have no idea why she chose to stick her huge nose in our business, besides the fact that she feels a “special” connection with him…Which still has nothing to do with this. I had to go to court THREE times for the judge to finally say, “Mrs. Silveira, I’m granting you temporary full custody. Once Mr. AssholeRapist is released you will go to mediation and they will decided what will happen. If you can’t agree on something once he’s released, I will see you then”. Of course his lawyer doesn’t want to go to mediation because she knows exactly what will happen if we do. All I need to utter is…R.A.P.I.S.T. That’s it. She desperately wants to reach an agreement. Well you can shove an agreement right up your hairy twat because IT IS NOT HAPPENING! Mind you this is the same lawyer that worked on his rape case. Uhhh….Who’s dumb enough to make the same mistake twice? He is apparently. This same lawyer had the audacity to say that the only reason I wanted him convicted was because I wanted full custody of my daughter, during his trial. All of a sudden I am an unfit mother? MAKE UP YOUR MIND HAIRY!

All that has mattered to me this entire process is having my daughter. From the very beginning, it’s all that ever mattered. Not the house. Not the cars. Not the motorcycles or furniture. None of it! If she really mattered to him, why is he okay with ripping her away from her mother? Why is he okay with kicking us out of the house and moving in his scummy sister-in-law and his brother? Why was he okay with not giving me Victoria’s bed when he knew I was getting my own place? He doesn’t pay child support. He bad mouths me. He brought random women around my child when he was out and had some sort of custody. Yet…I’m a horrible mother. I dare them to give one good reason as to why I’m a bad mom. I have a good job, I love my daughter unconditionally, I don’t curse in front of her, I feed her, I bathe her, I make sure she’s in school, she’s a happy child, she loves being around me and she is being raised properly. Sure, no one is perfect. However, he really….Really doesn’t give two shits about anyone but himself.

I’m glad that I was granted full custody but I fear the battle that is ahead of me. He will forever be around to make my life hell. They anticipate he will be released in the beginning of next year which is actually half the time he was sentenced. I don’t know how to feel. I should feel triumphant, but I don’t. I feel the battle isn’t over. I feel like it’s going to be ripped from me again. Why do I have to keep clawing at this wall? Why can’t I just climb over, get to the other side, and just be? He will never let up until I give up, and I’m never giving up. He’s a sociopath. I fear the unknown. What being in prison could have possibly done to him.

At the end of the day, I’m not seeking empathy or compassion. I work hard for myself and my daughter. I’m getting it done.

All of these women moan and groan about being single mothers and their deadbeat baby daddy’s. You lucky bitches.

She Does! He Does! They Do!

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I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t been able to post, my best friend just got married this past weekend. I’ve spent my entire life hating the idea of a wedding, not of marriage, but of the actual wedding.I began to reconsider my opinion when one of my very good friends got married. Her wedding was so beautiful and full of love; all of her family, friends and his family were all there for the same reason. To watch this couple profess their love to each other and they all supported it wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be her bridesmaid when she asked due to personal reasons but I was able to participate in my best friend’s wedding. Let’s not lie, being a bridesmaid is expensive as shit! Shoes, dress, makeup, hair, traveling, etc! When both friends asked me to be their bridesmaid I was so flattered and immediately filled with emotions at this amazing opportunity to be a big part of their weddings. Don’t get me wrong, at this point I was still not a fan.

The day came to drive up to Half Moon Bay, make all of the flower arrangements, bouquets, boutonnieres and decorate the hall for the big special day! It was so much work but our friends and Stephanie’s family came together beautifully to execute the wedding of her dreams. After two days of decorating, finalizing details, and planning it was finally the big day. I woke up in a house full of bridesmaids and the brides family and all I could think when I opened my eyes was “my best friend gets married today”. I became emotional. Fourteen years of friendship, heartaches, stupid boys, personal turmoils, gains, losses….All of it. It all flooded my mind and my heart. My best friend is getting married. She deserves this. She deserves the beautiful dress, the great food, the eighteen bottles of tequila, his eyes gazing into hers oh so lovingly, and a room full of supportive onlookers. After hours of makeup and hair, she was finally ready. I walked into the living room and saw her staring out of the double doors to the balcony. Flawless. My eyes teared up at the sight of her looking so gorgeous and regal in her white dress and her handmade, floor length veil. I didn’t want to smear my amazing makeup so of course I sucked it up.

We called her father upstairs to watch his reaction at the sight of her for the first time in her dress, fully done up. He slowly walked up the stairs and looked over at her as her back was turned to him. He paused. Took her in. In all the years that I’ve known this tall, manly, mustached man…I’ve never seen him so taken aback. Speechless. He slowly walks over to her and she turns around, his eyes widen and he gives her a big hug and a kiss on the lips. He backs away, looks her up and down once, and nods in approval. In an attempt not to cry he backs away and smiles. This….This moment is what made me change my mind about weddings. Not the moment she said “I Do”. Not the drinking. The gifts. The dancing. The way her now husband looked at her as she walked down the aisle. This moment right here. A father who has witnessed his daughter flourish into a beautiful, classy young woman. A woman who has succeeded, accomplished her dreams and who has finally found the love of her life and who has done it all in a way he’s always dreamed she would. This moment was the most emotional for me (besides watching him cry in church). Stephanie’s parents mean the world to her and their approval is what matters most. That one nod, that moment of offering his blessing, that approval. It’s what we all, as daughters, crave and want. I feel if I was in her shoes, that would make the entire experience worth it even more so than seeing my husband slip a ring on my finger and vowing to love me forever.

Bottom line: the entire wedding was beautiful. I loved being a bridesmaid, I haven’t had that much fun in a long long time. Both families came together seamlessly. I’d relive this experience a million times, despite the small things that went wrong, just to watch my best friend fall in love all over again with her husband. To watch the look on her face when she walked back out of the church after her ceremony. To watch this man look into her eyes the way she deserves to be looked at.

Cheers to a badass time…And many more to come!