Monthly Archives: May 2015

A Hand Written Letter To My Best Friend


Remember when we used to write to each other in class? Or when we’d write long letters to each other for our birthdays? God, we’ve been friends for 14 years now, where has the time gone? At least my chicken scratch hasn’t changed. I really just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve done everything right, and I look up to you for that. From finishing school, finding your dream job, to finding the man of your dreams…Well I found him for you lol! From such a young age, I knew you were going to do great things. You have always been the positive force in my life. Through it all, I can honestly say that you’ve been there for me. Not many best friends can say they’ve been best friends for this long without really arguing. You’ve never judged me or made me feel inadequate. You’ve always had faith in me like I do in you. I laugh when I think about the stuff we used to talk about growing up and how it all seemed light years away. We used to wonder what we’d be like when we graduated high school. You were always so sure you wanted to be a nurse while I mulled over six different majors. I was always the loose cannon while you kept me grounded. We wondered if we’d ever find love, what our kids would be like, if we’d be well off, and so on. How strange to look back and then look at where we are now.

We don’t see each other often and we don’t talk every day, but I will always feel close to you. You finally found someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. I only hope that he cherishes you the way you deserve to be cherished, I hope he respects you the way you deserve to be respected, and I hope he realizes the gem that he has found. I can’t think of anyone who deserves peace, success and happiness more than you do. I wonder what your kids will be like, I still wonder if I’ll ever be married, I wonder what we’ll be like in our forties or where we’ll end up. I wonder if we’ll end up close to each in our eighties, maybe even in the same “home”. I wonder if I’ll still be the same hot mess that I am now. Hitting on the male nurses, getting you into trouble, doubling up on our meds and taking a shot of vodka afterwards. Whatever happens, I know we’ll be best friends until the very end. I hope your wedding shower is what you expected it to be and I really hope your wedding day is everything you want it to be and more.

I love you more than I can put into words.

Let the festivities begin!



Blogging Awards


Honestly, I never even knew blogging awards existed! This is awesome!!! Guess what readers? I WON ONE! Wooooooo! Say whaaaaaaaaat?! Yes I did, uh-hm! I was nominated by The Captain’s Speech. If you’ve never been to his blog, please visit! He’s so funny and his topics are super relate able! He nominated me, even though I’m a new blogger, which is really sweet and really awesome! I absolutely 100% accept and I’m way too excited about this. Is that weird? Who cares!

Rules: (Feel free to break them)

1. Make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.
2. Include the Liebster Award sticker in the post.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers who you feel are worthy of this award. 
4. Answer the ten questions asked to you by the person who nominated you, and make ten questions of your own for your nominees.
5. Copy these rules in the post.

I’m going to break the rules and only nominate a few bloggers because, well, I can do whatever I damn well please. 

HarsH ReaLiTy – His posts are random, funny, and definitely honest.

Art by Rob Goldstein– He’s an advocate for Mental Health and wellness. He also posts a variety of different topics from art to photography. Check it out!

Wil – The first blog I ever read by Wil was about homosexuality and I can’t wait for more posts from this new blogger.

Myka Takes NV – This is a blogger that I’ve actually personally known since we were children. We disconnected and reconnected only to find out that we’re both bloggers. She writes about love and loss and everything in between!

The 10 Questions that The Captain’s Speech asked are as follows: 

1. Describe, in detail, the most awkward situation you’ve ever been in.

Hmmm, the most awkward situation. Gosh that’s so difficult, I’m always so damn awkward. Well, when I was giving birth to my daughter that ENTIRE situation was really awkward. First, her award winning father was flirting with all of the nurses. Then they asked me if I would allow a group of med students to stand by and watch me giving birth to my daughter. I thought, “sure, why not? My business is out there anyway!”. Well, little did I know there were going to be 6 of them in my room, plus nurses, plus the doctor. The nurse that was holding one of my legs couldn’t handle my strength so they asked one of the male med students to hold my leg. He looked at my ex and asked if it was okay and my ex said, “Go for it bud, you’d be watching anyway!”. Twenty-two hours later I finally had the baby and when the doctor told me he was going to sew me up I said, “Make me feel 14 again doc!”.

2. When was the last time you used your car horn and why?

About two weeks ago, some lady was on the phone and wouldn’t move when the light turned green. I’m very patient so I waiting for a few seconds and she just wasn’t paying attention. My honk was accompanied by, “what the hell lady! GET OFF YOUR FRIGGING PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

3. If I gave you one million dollars right now (don’t get your hopes up), what would you do with it?

I would buy a new car, a home, and fill up my daughter’s college fund. After that I’d donate some to our local fostered youth and the rest I’d invest. That stuff doesn’t last forever and I’m only 25! I have a long way to go before I croak…I hope anyway.

4. What song describes you?

Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing LOL

5. If I put your favourite cake in front of you and said you’d have to wait five hours for utensils and a plate, would you wait, or dig right in and eat it with your hands?

I’d eat it with my hands. Never, ever keep a fat kid away from her cake.

6. Out of all the contacts in your phone, how many of them do you talk/text on a regular basis?

Probably 4 out of 400 contacts.

7. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met?

The most famous person I’ve ever met in person was a Portuguese artist so let’s stick to someone everyone might know. I met Brett Michaels at my job two years ago.

8. When you wash your hands, do you wet your hands first and then apply soap, or do you put soap on your hands first and then apply water?

I apply water first, then I apply soap, I lather really well and I actually wash my entire hand (even the back of my hand) not just my palms.

9. What are your favourite pizza toppings?

Hawaiian! Ham and pineapple YUM!

10. What’s your first memory?

Jeeze, this one’s even tougher than the first one. My first memory swinging on a clothesline while my grandfather painted the back of his house. I miss him.

My 10 Questions Are (and I’m going to steal his idea and say if you haven’t been nominated but you’d like to answer these, you can!):

1. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had?

2. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

3. What’s your favorite word and why?

4. If you could use one word to describe yourself, what would it be and why?

5. If you could meet anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be? What question would you ask them?

6. Who would you really like to just punch in the face (besides me)?

7. If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would you do (other than rub your new found genitals on people)?

8. Do you have a secret talent and what is it?

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere and you have to leave RIGHT NOW, where are you going?

10. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?


Spa Day


Today my GM treated the management team (yes all women) to a day at the nail salon, and of course, I couldn’t contain my excitement! A few hours out of the office just to revamp my toes? Why not? As the girls had their nails worked on, I was sat next to this older woman in the pedicure chairs since I was the only one getting my toes done. I smiled at her as I approached my chair and she just looked me up and down and gave me the slightest hint of a smile. I had to adjust my glasses just to make sure I saw it. As I sat next to her, I overheard the nail tech asking her questions only to be replied to with rude responses and major attitude.

How are you?


I haven’t seen you here before.

Yeah, so.

Is this your family?

Yeah that’s my mom and my sister. My mom’s paying for it. 

Oh that’s nice!


I sat there and judged the hell out of this lady. I don’t care how bad of a day you’re having lady, be nice! There is no reason for you to be rude to this poor woman who is being forced to work on your horrid pterodactyl toes *raaaawwwrrrrr*. I looked over at her and smiled and she rolled her eyes at me. Uhhhhh okay thanks lady. SOMEONE GET THIS LADY A KITTEN!

Then I heard it. The conversation that would change me. The conversation that would make me realize that I’M the asshole. I’m judging this woman without even knowing what her problem is. In my profession, I have drilled into front desk’s brains DO NOT JUDGE YOUR GUESTS. Our guests come in after a long, shitty flight and treat you like shit for it? Suck it up, you don’t know what they’ve been through that day. A guest walks in every single day and doesn’t say one peep to you, suck it up you don’t know what they’ve been through that day. As for this person, for some reason, I couldn’t remember my own advice. There it was. My advice thrown in my face.

My toenails are brown, please be gentle with them. 

Oh gosh I’m sorry, I will.

Yeah, it’s from the chemo. 

The chemo?

Yeah, I had cancer. 

Wow I’m sorry, what was wrong?

I have Vaginal Intraepithelial Neoplasia.

Were you able to cure it?

Yeah…They cut into half of the outer layers of my vagina. 

No. People shouldn’t be jerks just because they suffer from a disease or had a bad day. This, by no means, gives anyone the right to treat another human this way. But shit did I feel bad. So bad. People don’t handle things the same way, they don’t know how to work around stress or when horrible things happen to them. They just lash out. It could be due to the lack of a support system. It could be the lack of a significant other. It could be the lack of hope and faith. Whatever it is, we don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives. I wish I could have been as patient or understanding as the woman kneeling at this person’s feet. I wish I could go back and just talk to her, start a conversation completely unrelated to what she has been through. Not mentioning the fact that she can’t stick her toes under UV lighting, not mentioning that her hair is thin, not mentioning the trauma her body has been through. A moment to just talk about anything else.


National Debt.

Gerard Butler’s hot ass.

Anything else. It is a spa day after all.

Happy Mother’s Day


I survived Mother’s Day.

A day in which gifts and praise are expected by mothers across the country. A day in which you have to at least be nice to your mother if you don’t normally get along, a day in which you have to surround yourself with all of the mothers in your family and pretend that you like each other. A day in which you have to mass text all of your friends who are mothers and wish them a Happy Mother’s Day and tag all 250 mothers on your Facebook page and wish them a Happy Mother’s Day with some sappy bullshitty quote and a picture of red roses garnished with baby’s breath.

I am a mother.

I didn’t receive a gift from my daughter because she’s five. She missed the day at school where all the children made their mommy’s a gift. When she came home and told me that she wasn’t able to make a gift for me like all of the other children did, I just gave her a hug and explained that gifts aren’t important. All I wanted for mother’s day was a hug and a kiss and to spend time with her. Then I walked into the bathroom and cried. I cried because I didn’t want my daughter to feel left out. I cried because I’ve been an emotional wreck lately. I cried because, for weeks, I had been looking forward to seeing what she was going to make for me because I LOVE it when she comes home and brings me a drawing or some craft her teacher had her do. What the hell is wrong with me? This day is not important. There are women who aren’t given the opportunity to be a mother. There are women who will never hear a child yell “MOMMMMYYYYYY” in excitement, when they get home from work. There are women who will never have the opportunity to feel those little hands on their face, telling them how beautiful they are, or those little arms wrapped around their neck. There are some who will never experience a long car ride with their toddler who talks too much about everything and nothing at all. Who sings their little heart out to Katy Perry. Who will tell everyone your address, phone number, what school they go to, your natural hair color and the fact that you have funny lines on your body when you’re naked.

I am a mother every day. I am blessed every day.

My mother is a mother every day. So why on this day, did I feel the need to spend the entire day with her and buy her a gift? My mother and I don’t exactly get along, but she is my mother. I should try to spend time with her every week. I should buy her flowers to show my appreciation for her just because. I should keep our conversations cordial all the time, despite her stubbornness and snarky comments. Why? because she’s my mother. Not everyone gets the opportunity to have their mother around. Not every one has the chance to call their mother when they’re in need of a babysitter. Not every one has a mother to call them over for dinner because she knows you’re struggling with money that month. Not every one has a mother to put them in their place when they’re out of line. Or tell them they’re failing but that’s okay, it’ll get better. A mother who will teach you about life through her own experiences. One who will call you every sibling’s name except your own. One who will say things about you but drop kick anyone else who talks about you. One who will tell you you’re getting too skinny or too fat or too mouthy or too blonde or too tan. Mom’s aren’t all perfect, they’re not all Brady Bunch quality. But the ones who try, who stick around through all the bullshit, who work their asses off, the single ones, the ones in abusive relationships, the ones who don’t always bring you up but when they do something in you changes. They’re worth it too. They are all worth it.

My mom is worth it. Every day. I have to be better about reminding myself that, because when she’s gone. She’s gone. That’s it. There will be no turning back, there will be no frequent visits, or see you laters. Or random trips with my daughter to the GoodWill. Or letting my daughter have all the cookies she wants. Or surprising me at my grandmother’s house when I show up to take Victoria to school because she knows just by taking her to school for me is a huge load off of my shoulders. For that day anyway. Or telling me I’m stupid and I make stupid choices because that’s her way of encouraging me to be responsible and telling me that she knows I’m capable of much, much more. Or telling me it’s ridiculous how photogenic I am. Or telling me to leave my job and find something more rewarding because I’m selling myself short. Or telling me how sometimes I remind her of my father and she just wants to smack me because of it. All of these things will be gone. All of these moments will be nothing but memories and I’ll ask myself why? Why didn’t I change things when I had the chance? Why did I argue with her AGAIN? Why didn’t I just let it roll off of my back? Why didn’t I visit more? And I’ll regret it. And I’ll feel guilty. And I’ll cry and get angry and yell and she’ll be gone.

She’s here now, and I need to cherish that.

p.s. I got my hug and kiss for Mother’s Day and it was just as sweet and beautiful as it has always been and will always be.