The Dating Chronicles Part 4 – Close But No Cigar


So I finally met someone outside of the internet, who actually approached ME and showed interest. What a miracle right? How pathetic was that sentence? Come on, be honest.

I met this man through a networking meeting that I go to every week for work, oh how professional we were in the beginning. He was polite, sweet, and extremely….Extremely shy. My networking group would poke and prod at me, “Come on, you should date him, he’s such a sweetheart and you two would be cute together”. I resisted over and over again, no, I’m not ready, no I’m not his type, he’s too shy, he’s too quiet, he’s a ginger, he has no soul, do I have enough soul for the both of us? I left it alone. For months I pondered the idea and finally gave it up knowing he wasn’t interested in me. We saw each other multiple times and our interactions were always cordial and short. God what is wrong with me? Am I that horrible? Do I smell funny? Or worse, am I that obnoxious and annoying that this man can’t even stand to talk to me for more than a few minutes? I had even been to his house during a networking get together and his mother loved me despite my inappropriate jokes and loud demeanor

One day there is talk of a Brewfest happening in the area and we agreed during the announcement that it’d be so much fun, I thought nothing of this. He messaged me on Facebook and I, yes I, offered my number without him asking for it. What am I thinking?! I don’t do these things, I don’t ask men for their numbers nor do I offer mine up like some philandering Jezebel. He’ll argue with you and tell you he asked me but he did no such thing, he did however, ask me to the Brewfest. We began texting everyday, all day long about anything and everything and it happened so quickly. Yes, this shy man opened up to me. He talked and talked and laughed and joked and made fun of me and talked shit and guess what, I loved every second of it. For the first time in a long time I didn’t get tired of his yapping, his corny jokes, or how nice he was to me. Normally I would’ve brushed all of these things off and passed it off as him just trying to “get it in”. Not this time. It was genuine. This man actually liked me and cared about me. He actually wanted to know what I was doing, how my day was, how my daughter is. That’s what got me. This 25 year old man who didn’t have children actually asked about my daughter. When I spoke about her for over half an hour he engaged in the conversation and laughed when it was appropriate, he was intrigued by this creature that  I made, especially because she’s mine.

How do you measure a man up to your expectations? You don’t. It is not your place to measure anyone up. However, this man met all of mine.. I recently went through a tragedy, my cousin killed himself and I was devastated. All I had to say to this man was that I was having a bad day and he immediately wanted to know what he could do for me, how he could help me, and how he could possibly make my day more bearable. He brought me a few of my favorite flowers, hydrangeas, and sat with me to listen to my rambling on and on about my day and my family and my pain. He didn’t grow tired of me, he didn’t sigh with relief when I stopped talking, he held my hand the entire time and told me I’d be okay. He hugged me, and not the patronizing side hug that douchebag’s give women when they don’t know what else to say or do…A real hug. He asked me to be his girlfriend and against my instincts I said yes. Two years of being single, I actually had a boyfriend. What drove this miracle? What convinced me? Was it because he’s nice? Or because he was safe?

Then he changed. He had never been in a REAL relationship and didn’t know how to keep up this fake persona because it wasn’t coming from him naturally. Every action, every word that came from him, came because he knew that’s what was expected. His whole life everything he did, he did because it was “right” not because it was what he really wanted to do or how he really felt. If I wasn’t with him on a weekend he wouldn’t even text me to check and see if I was alive, why? Because he was asleep the entire time, or so he claims. At 25, I can’t handle my significant other sleeping all day long or just laziness in general. We’re 25! Be spontaneous! Be spunky! Be REAL! I wanted to work on things so badly, telling myself I was being petty. The problem is I’ve been in a relationship where I would be ignored for weeks at a time when that person was irritated with me and I’m not okay with that. I will not tolerate it. I deserve to be treated with respect, to be loved unconditionally, and I deserve for someone to feel for me the way I feel for them. When you’re in love you feel like you can’t breath without that person, you feel like you could do anything for that person no matter what. I didn’t feel that for him, after all we were only together for 7 weeks. He, however, claimed that he was undoubtedly in love with me. How? He had no idea what he was talking about never having even been in a decent relationship. He mistook lust for love, he misread his emotions and put a random label on it. He said he trusted me because I was part of the networking group and everyone in the networking group is trustworthy. I’ve never met anyone so sheltered.

He’s really really nice. Just really really young. I don’t mean in age, I mean in all other aspects. When I broke it off with him he kept talking about how I was wrong and I’d regret it. How I had to justify my actions to myself not to him. See, this is a manboy who doesn’t know how to think for himself. The entire argument he was quoting song lyrics and movie lines like fucking clockwork. Like a fucking sociopath. None of it was him. What am I supposed to think? I tried to point out different things, a little bit of constructive criticism, he still didn’t care. He was perfect. I even gave him the opportunity to tell me what he didn’t like about me, oh no, he loved everything about me! I am just so amazingly perfect, like a goddess. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I am so far from perfect it’s sickening.However, I won’t settle for someone just because I feel inadequate. He made me feel small all the time. He has amazing parents who lifted him up his entire life, creating someone who really does feel superior. He craves acknowledgement constantly from his parents, even as an adult. He craves approval. He craves positive reinforcement and when he didn’t get that from me because he’s an ADULT, it bothered him.

What’s funny is, everyone who knows the two of us will blame me. They will ask how I could possibly do this to a boy who is so sweet and caring; who has a good head on his shoulders and blah blah fucking blah fuck you. He has a lot to learn about himself, about being in a relationship, and about being in a relationship with a WOMAN. I am not some adolescent looking for prince charming.

Some of you might be wondering why I’m so angry at this person when he seems like he’s a sweetheart he just has to grow up. I’m angry because he didn’t try to grow and learn. I’m angry because he can’t even tell me what his favorite color is, he just knows his mom likes blue on him. I’m angry because he didn’t make an effort to talk to my friends when he met them. I’m angry because he can’t even tell me why he likes me. I’m angry because all he could say was that he wanted to take care of me like I was some broken china doll. I’m angry because even though I sucked it up and met his entire family, he wouldn’t bother to get out of bed to meet mine. My entire family kept asking me to ask him over during a family function and after chewing on the idea for a while I decided it’d be a good idea. If things are gonna work out why shouldn’t he meet my daughter even though I was set on waiting a few more months? Why shouldn’t he meet my family, after all, I already met his. He couldn’t inconvenience himself to get up, get dressed, and go. He was “depressed” because his friends wouldn’t hang out with him. Sorry your friends won’t play in the sandbox, how about you come over and mingle it’ll make you feel better. Nope. No thanks. You do not fuck with Portuguese people!

That’s what offended me the most. How dare you not even try when my entire family is sitting right there waiting for a response? What’s worse, he actually thought his reasoning was valid. The man can’t even argue his thoughts properly, it never makes sense. His points are never valid, most of the time they don’t even relate to the argument at hand. I’m being harsh. I’m being mean. I’m being honest. Then when we were done rambling, he reacted just as I thought he would. He accepted it and blocked me from all social media. His actions following just confirmed my concerns, making it that much easier to move along. I’m not cut out to date sensitive men. I don’t even think I’m cut out to date most white men.

I’ll miss his family.


About amorefado

I am a mother of a gorgeous, intelligent, 7 year old daughter. I was raised in the Central Valley, California. My parents are immigrants from the Azores and I speak Portuguese (as well as Spanish) fluently. I've grown a lot in the last 4 years and I plan on doing a lot more of that. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I'm scatter brained. I'm 27, and I'm on a journey to find myself. I'm also here to entertain you with all of my randomness. You will love my posts or hate my posts, either way I write for myself. I am infatuated with music and unicorns (I own socks people, socks). I'm a huge asshole who loves everyone and cries about things that probably don't matter to anyone else.

2 responses »

  1. I had wondered what happened with him, it did seem like he was real sweet, you guys super cute together. Did think it was odd that he was posting on fb proclaiming his love for you so soon, but I was like “wtf Jessica, don’t judge!” I’m happy you were able to see that things weren’t going to work out early on 🙂


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