Monthly Archives: December 2014

Kate.

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Kate is a woman who is a hard, selfish and who has been through her fair share of turmoil. However, Kate was sweet once. There was a time in her life where she was compassionate, caring, and loyal. There was a time in her life where her children came first and all she ever knew was how to work and take care of her family. See, Kate grew up in a strict household and witnessed some traumatic things.

Kate’s first husband was angry and egotistical, staying true to the old school lifestyle he was accustomed to in his country, bleeding machismo through every pore of his body. “Where are you going?” “I’m going to do laundry, I’m done with dinner” “Sit the fuck down we’re not done here” “I really need to get laundry done, I have to get up early and I still have to bathe the little ones” *throws knife* Kate is bleeding. She walks upstairs to rinse off the blood and the little girl follows her. “Mommy.” “Mommy…What’s wrong?…Mommy….Mommy are you asleep?” The little girl runs downstairs. “Daddy I think mommy is dead” “Sit down, querida, eat.” Silence. Silence. Silence. Kate comes to and carries on with her evening as if nothing has happened.

She’s in this alone.

No one knows. No one would ever suspect.

How could it be possible? He’s a provider! He’s a good father!

“Querida, keep it down your father is sleeping. He has to work tonight” “Mommy, I’m just playing with my barbies” “KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE I NEED TO SLEEP, PORRA”  “I said keep it down you’re going to upset your father”

*storms out of bedroom* “DID I NOT SAY I’M TRYING TO SLEEP?!!! KATE DID I NOT TELL YOU TO KEEP THIS UNDER CONTROL?! “ *grabs little girl and throws her on the floor* “I don’t like talking this much…I need to sleep!” *stomps on her back* “I’m sorry daddy, I’m sorry!”

Every. Day.

One day Kate met a man who was different. A man who showed her that men should always treat women with respect and should never lay a hand on a woman. He was young but eager to keep Kate forever as long as she could find the courage to leave. So she did. Her husband broke into a million little pieces, forever regretting his decisions. Through the years, as he watched his daughters grow and become attached to another man, he cried himself to sleep. Wondering what could have been, what should have been. As Kate bore two more children with this man, the pieces began to pull themselves together. She didn’t care if they were struggling financially or if raising four girls was difficult; she just knew that things were better. The problem was Kate was already bitter from her first marriage and took it out on her new husband. Things began to change over time, they became more distant, she became angrier and angrier. Why do I feel this way? Why am I not happy? What do I do? How do I change? What’s wrong? All romanticism was gone, feelings were hurt, no one knew what happened or why things fell apart. They just did. They were a seemingly perfect family and suddenly, like most “perfect” families, things weren’t what they seemed.

Again, Kate met someone who was different. Younger. Easy to manipulate. Romantic. She knew she wasn’t going to last with this person as he had nothing to offer but she went for it anyway. A new adventure. What could I lose? My children are resilient, they’re used to change. It’s fine. He’ll do. Over the years Kate also tired of this manboy and decided that she was bored of playing with his head. He, like her two previous husbands, was shattered. He had no idea how to live without this woman and took up drinking. Kate was much more powerful than she thought, she never knew she could have such an impact on others and enjoyed the power she had.

Until one day she met her match. A man who was just as selfish as she was. A man who didn’t take any of her shit and threw it right back at her when necessary. Drama. Dependent. Annoying. Ignorant. He was everything a woman SHOULD NOT want. Yet Kate loved him. She was absolutely head over heels and she did not know why. She remembered the words her daughter once told her, “one day, you will meet someone who treats you just as you treated the others, and you won’t be able to leave. You’ll be stuck”. She was stuck. She found herself playing the on again off again game most sixteen year old couples play. She was so used to leaving and never going back. Why do I keep going back? She couldn’t understand her actions or her logic. There was no logic. Love isn’t logical, but she didn’t know that because she had never been in love before. Love shouldn’t hurt. Love shouldn’t feel wrong. Why was this so wrong? Too stubborn to ask for help, she stayed. Every family member from every corner telling her to leave. She had nothing to lose, why doesn’t she just leave? She can’t. This snake has coiled around her, making it hard for her to breathe and making it hard for anyone to break her free. She’s distanced herself from her daughters, her family, from anyone who has ever loved her. Even the second husband who has begged for her back time and time again.

She’s doomed and she knows it.

Don’t ever let a man change you, don’t ever let your feelings consume you so much that you don’t recognize yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror. YOU are in control.  Take care of yourself because no one else will. If you don’t want help, don’t take it. Realize when you DO need help. Be thankful for the GOOD people in your life. You’re doomed to repeat history if you don’t come to terms with it. Always put your children first.

Love hard, but always be self aware.

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‘Tis the Season to be Selfish

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Oh the holidays. Give a little it’s the holidays. Volunteer it’s the holidays.

That poor man that has been standing on exit 215 for the past year, well, maybe you should give him some money. It’s the holidays after all.

Oh gosh, that little girl who hasn’t worn a jacket all winter. It’s Christmas time, maybe I should give her some of my child’s old jackets.

Toys for Tots!

Feed the poor!

Soup kitchens!

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Christmas!! GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE RECEIVE GIVE!

Hey assholes. Did you know that these people you’re giving to, need it just as bad, all year around? Did you know that the hungry child in your kid’s class is hungry all of the time…Yes *gasp* even in June! Did you know that feeding that man’s addiction on exit 215 is not only hurtful to him, but a waste of your money. Why not try giving to shelters? Why not try giving to organizations that help those in need? Get this, you can actually donate ALL YEAR LONG! I know right? MIND BLOWN! Why do you feel compelled to give ONLY during this time of year? Is it because you feel guilty that you’re giving/receiving all of these gifts and eating all of this yummy food when there are people who don’t even know what it feels like to wake up to the aroma of a fresh Christmas tree? Is it because you’re children won’t settle for just one gift, or because of the faces they make when they open up their gift and it’s JUST socks?

Whatever the reason, you’re doing it wrong.

I understand that it’s most important during Christmas because these children, these adults who are without, deserve to have a great Christmas. I agree with that 100%. However, my concern are those who won’t volunteer all year long but feel compelled to do so only during this time. How about you don’t buy your 2 year old an iPad and split that money between 6 different school children who need backpacks in August? How about instead of you buying your 10 year old $100 miss me jeans, try buying 10 pairs of normal jeans for a few children. Now that’s an idea! I try my best to volunteer my time and efforts throughout the entire year, and I understand that not everyone has the time to do that. I just don’t understand how warped people’s perceptions are.

Well, I work for my money, so my kids deserve the best! Yes, maybe you do, and yes, maybe they do.

Count your blessings. That man you see talking to himself while walking down the street with holes in his pants and an ashy grey t-shirt that used to be white, might not be what you think he is. Most people who see homeless people automatically think “uneducated” “poor family background” or whatever else. Guess what? Some of those people have degrees! Some of these people are qualified enough to be YOUR boss. Things happen in life that we can’t always explain and wana know something else? It can happen to YOU, or YOU’RE precious spoiled children. If your child was on drugs or homeless wouldn’t you pray for someone to help them? If you didn’t play your cards right and got a shitty hand, wouldn’t you hope to get some help yourself?

Teach your children that life isn’t just a rainbow shitfest, there are people out there who are actually hurting. Teach your children how to be selfless, and appreciate what they have. My child is going through a spoiled brat stage that my family has sucked her into and I’m desperately trying to pull her out because that is not the way I want to raise my child. SHE. DOES. NOT. KNOW. HOW. TO. BE. POOR. I was raised way differently than she’s being raised and I’m not sure I’m okay with that as far as reality checks go. I do not want a sheltered child, I want her to know that she will NOT always be happy and she will NOT always have the best things (especially in college). However, she will always know that I’m trying to make life as enjoyable as possible for her.

We’ll be sorting all of her toys out and limiting her to ten toys instead of the 600 she has in her closet and giving only the GOOD toys to children in need. Her clothes always go to a good cause and when she asks me why that little boy in her class is always filthy and stinky, I’ll tell her EXACTLY why because it is NOT okay to judge others. She’s five years old and already has more sense than most of the adults I know.

All I ask is that you remember others, even when it isn’t Christmas.