The Dating Chronicles Part 1

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I know many people who have found the love of their life through online dating. Whether it be POF, Match.com, Christianmingle.com, or any other app and website out there. They’ve found what everyone is looking for and what everyone dreams of having, right at their fingertips. This concept is relatively new and still stigmatized despite how popular it is.

I decided to try it.

For a few months I went on a dating spree, 10 dates, 2 months, 10 different men. I have to say, it was absolutely exhausting. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to see coffee again. These were all men I met online and they were all so different from each other. Each more psychologically fucked up than the previous, it was entertaining to say the very least. I don’t know what I was looking for or what I expected, I just know none of them worked out. I don’t know if I’m too picky, or if I’ve been through so much that I just can’t settle again. The bottom line is I’m not only dating and screening for myself, but for my daughter.

Jason – Tall, dark, handsome, and muscular. Very, very attractive, beautiful smile, glistening eyes. Problem? He was still in love with his ex wife which I can understand but instead of focusing on someone new….Why isn’t he fixing his relationship with his wife? He brought her up the entire date, didn’t pay for my meal, nor did he open the door for me when we walked into the restaurant. BYYYYEEEEEE

David – Chubby, not very cute, but hey I was hoping for a little personality. Was he funny? Charming? Sweet? Caring? NO. He was gross, rude, and he tried to hold my hand/kiss me during our first meeting. UMMMMM? HEEELLLOOO? Apparently he figured I was easy because I’m a mom. Excuse me while I choke you with your hookah you bastard.

Eddie – Oh Eddie. Eddie was really handsome, I mean this man had a beautiful face. Tall, a little on the heavier side, and really reeeeaaalllly funny. Eddie would drive 40 minutes to see me on my lunch or take me out to dinner. We did that about 7 times and I thought it was going well. He had a really sweet son and we always talked about our kids so it was always comfortable. Then one day…KAPOOF! Never heard from him again until about 4 months later. Suddenly he wants to hang out and what do I say? “What happened, she dumped you?” SEE YA! I’m nobody’s fool!

Greg – Greg had a shaky past and overcame his past by dedicating himself to help troubled youth. Presh, right? He wasn’t that great looking but he was nice to be around and he was really nerdy which I tend to like. We went out a few times and I even let him take me to watch Mariza, one of my favorite Fado singers, perform. Never have I missed a Portuguese man as much as I did that evening. He also stopped talking to me out of nowhere and come to find out he’s with his ex again. It’s okay, I can never trust a man who uses the “gun” gesture with his hand and pulls the trigger when he’s making a point. *shutters*

George – To all of you who know me, not my best friend George. This was a completely different, grimy George. George was a gamer, I mean….Disgustingly so. He had towers upon towers upon towers of video games, he wrote for them, he breathed them, he ditched work for them. He had dainty gamer hands and ugly feet. He also loved his cats and his house smelled of disgusting urine and feces because he was filthy. We went out a few times because he actually did have a wonderful personality. He had horrible hygiene though and I just couldn’t get past that. His breath reeked, he never showered, and he admitted to this. He also prided himself in being an asshole which I didn’t really witness until I realized he was dating like 6 women at once. I stopped talking to him…One of his precious cats ran away. Oh the guilty pleasure when I found that out.

Todd – Todd had an adorable 4 year old son….How do I know this? Because he brought him to our first meeting. In my opinion you should never introduce your children that early because people are psyyyyychos! He was eager to meet my daughter and not the nice kind of eager…The creepy kind.

Stan – Stan drove 2 hours to meet me. He had pretty blue eyes and a good job. He loved to talk about himself and he expressed his love for his 3 year old son over….And over…And over again. Oh and over. He was incredibly bland and I literally couldn’t stand sitting there for another second so I cut the coffee meeting short. I felt bad that he drove that long to meet me but he made it very clear that he really, truly, had nothing better to do.

Robert – Robert text me during my date with Stan and asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee. I had more than my fair share of coffee that day but I decided to go and I met with him an hour after my meeting with Stan. Robert was so drab that I don’t even remember our meeting, I just know I was so unimpressed that I never called him again.

Xavior – Xavior was an ex colossal, lost all this weight and gained a whole lot of self confidence. He rode motorcycles, had two children, and was bald. I’ve never dated anyone who was bald before. He was very ambitious and I admired that about him, he seemed very interested and I warmed up to the idea of going on another date with him even though he was oh so full of himself. We text’d for a few days after that and I never heard from him again.

Mekki – Uber nerdy, tall, pretty smile. Mekki embodied everything I thought I would never be interested in. But I was. We went on about 3 dates separated by weeks and weeks of texting/talking. He had a daughter and a horrible relationship with his ex-wife. He still lived with his parents and was JUST getting into working a job at the age of 28. He admitted to me that he was always carried along by his parents and he’s just learning how to be independent. Sorry Chah-lee….Turn off.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the problem, maybe I should just let fate take it’s course. I just don’t go out often enough to meet anyone and men in the valley do not approach women, what is the problem here? They’ll gawk, make gestures, talk to their friends about you, but they will never pursue you unless you look like Malibu Barbie on steroids. Guess what assholes? Malibu Barbie can’t cook, clean, nor does she have child bearing hips!

 

I am enticing dammit! JUST LOVE ME!

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About amorefado

I am a mother of a gorgeous, intelligent, 7 year old daughter. I was raised in the Central Valley, California. My parents are immigrants from the Azores and I speak Portuguese (as well as Spanish) fluently. I've grown a lot in the last 4 years and I plan on doing a lot more of that. I love to laugh and make people laugh. I'm scatter brained. I'm 27, and I'm on a journey to find myself. I'm also here to entertain you with all of my randomness. You will love my posts or hate my posts, either way I write for myself. I am infatuated with music and unicorns (I own socks people, socks). I'm a huge asshole who loves everyone and cries about things that probably don't matter to anyone else.

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